“Wutown” in Defenestration Magazine

Here’s an excerpt. Read the full piece in Defenestration.

9:50AM

I operate 01194, a white Plymouth bearing the sundial insignia of the Los Angeles Department of Transportation. The steering wheel is constructed on the right, to facilitate chalking. I hang the chalking stick out the window and cruise up Fountain at 4 miles per hour, marking the left front tire of every car.

I’ll maintain this speed until La Brea, double back via Santa Monica Boulevard, then snake through my run east of Highland, returning to this spot at precisely 11:00AM. In accordance with signage, many of the vehicles will have been removed. Anything remaining is mine. I’ll issue 10-15 citations on this morning loop. Punctuality is key.

I turn onto La Brea and, right away, the vista gets bueno. I issue a 540.2 for expired registration and a 490.1 for a WHITE ZONE violation. On the next block, I spot a vehicle parked approximately 1’6” from the curb. It’s a close call. I pull over, unclip the tape measurer from my belt and kneel on the concrete. The rear right tire is 1’7” away from the curb. I slap him with a 412.1.

They’d park upside down if they could.

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